As was mentioned in the article “Relationships – A Key Aspect of Life”, relationships are very important to us. They’re the cornerstone upon which society is built. Empires for example, have stood, or fallen, based upon the strength of the fabric of their society. The Roman Empire is a classic example of that!

Because relationships play such an important role in life, we return to that topic again in this article.

Now, with the best will in the world, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, friends, relatives, family, and co-workers will, from time to time, experience difficulties in their interactions with each other.

What we want to consider in this article, is why difficulties can sometimes arise, what can cause them, how that is manifested, and finally, what positive steps can be taken to correct difficulties, and why immediate action is important.

Let’s take our first point: Why can difficulties sometimes arise between people? There are a variety of reasons as to why problems can exist at times. Some of these could include:

• Attitudes
• Egos
• Social status
• Education
• Misunderstandings
• Race or Ethnic origins

These in turn, can then become manifest, through harsh or cruel words to someone we feel is either beneath us, or inferior to us. It could be through gossip in the workplace, because some information as been passed around about an imagined situation that has no substance of truth to it. Therefore giving rise to misunderstandings,which can harm reputations, that can then lead to strained relations if the matter is left unresolved.

Another reason for people problems, could be that a person has got something on their mind, and it is affecting how they interact with others, either at home or work.

Something could be happening in their personal life, that we’re not aware of, which could be creating a temporary problem. If we know the person fairly well, say in the workplace or home, and they’re usually known for being able to get along with others, then we can try to accommodate them. All of us at times have our “off” days.

But regardless of where we might experience difficulties from time to time, what is the solution?

In any people problems we may experience, our first aim, is to win the peace, and win the person! Peaceful relations whether at home, or in the workplace, are the key consideration.

So, what about in the home? What should we do if a problem arises there?

If it’s a husband and wife issue – face it, and talk about it. There’s an ancient saying, that you should “make your peace before the sunsets.” Always make your peace with each other before the next day. Never let a problem roll over to the next day.

What if you have a problem with someone at work? If the problem is not too serious, and does not require intervention from a member of management, go directly to the person you have a difference or misunderstanding with. It takes courage and maturity to do this. But if you go running to your supervisor or manager over a petty matter that you could resolve, that can create more problems. Here’s why.

First, it would demonstrate that you’re not mature enough to resolve your own issues. Second, it will cause resentment between colleagues. And it will make you appear childish. Thirdly, management should have more important things to do, than resolve the petty, minor issues of their staff! If they jump in at every staff issue, they’re not managers, they’ve become child-minders! Instead, if you go directly to the person in question, you may just find that they will respect you more for it!

Now, what are the dangers if you were to avoid settling difficulties quickly?

If issues are not dealt with quickly, then this could lead to:

• Strained relationships, in the home or workplace, depending on where the problem exists
• If in the workplace,it would have a negative effect upon the workforce
• It would result in bad or hurt feelings
• Could harm a persons reputation
• It would most certainly prolong the problem

Difficulties will arise from time to time, that’s the reality of life and people. But if we’re willing and prepared to deal with such challenges, any that should arise, will be dealt with swiftly and effectively, then any and all relationships will come through those difficulties intact!

Britain and America, are said to have a special one. Husbands and wives have a tender and romantic one. Mothers and Fathers with their offspring, have a paternal one. Brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, nieces and nephews have them. What do they have? Relationships!

Relationships, whether they are between countries or people, are a key aspect of everyday life.

We constantly come into contact with individuals and groups that we share some connection with. Whether it’s at home, at school or in the workplace, we cannot get away from relationships – they’re everywhere!

In this article, we want to address three basic questions regarding relationships. First, we want to define what a relationship is. Second, we want to know how they are formed. And finally, why it is that relationships are important to us.

Let’s take our first point: What exactly is a relationship?

One Dictionary defines relationship as:”The mutual dealings, connections, or feelings that exist between two parties, countries or people.” So, a relationship exists between those who have something in common or some shared interest or feeling.

This brings us then to our second question: How are relationships formed?

Relationships are usually formed between individuals who share common experiences, interests, values and beliefs. Our strongest and closest relationships tend to be with those we hold more in common with.

What is the process we use then, to form our relationships? How do we begin to start a relationship in the first place?

You may not be aware of this, but we do in fact use a process called filtering to form our relationships. The filtering we use is influenced by our personal interests, values, beliefs and experiences. By what method do we use filtering? Through the use of questions.

Let’s see if we can illustrate this with a simple example.

A new person commences work at your place of employment. This person is introduced to all the people who are a part of your workforce.

During the course of the day, different colleagues engage this person in conversation. What do you think the initial conversation would consist of? Usually, it will be a barrage of questions. The new person would be asked where they come from, are they married, do they have a family. What are their hobbies and interests? What are their beliefs and values on certain matters? This process would continue over a period of time. Hopefully not all at once for the person!

You can apply this simple example to different situations. It can be applied to a social setting, work, school etc.

So, when we’re asking questions, we are actually finding out whether this person fits our criteria of someone we might form a friendship or relationship with.

There are of course, other factors too which would dictate the forming of friendships. But the asking of questions which provides us with information, is probably the key way we form any sort of interaction.

This brings us to our final point: Why are relationships so important to us?

Relationships provide us with many benefits. They give us a sense of community, identity,
a feeling of belonging, security and stability.

In the beginning, to form any relationship, it took effort and time. A bit like planting seeds, for anything to grow, they have to be watered!

Therefore, this important aspect of our lives needs to be cared for and nurtured.

So think of all the relationships that you’re a part of. Value them. Work hard to maintain them, and they’ll last a lifetime.

There’s a line in an old Simon and Garfunkel song that says: “Old friends, sharing a park bench like bookends.” That’s how our friendships should be. Something we’re comfortable with, and that makes us feel warm inside.

In future articles, we’ll look at some of the other areas in life where interactions with other people are important.

© 2008 Coach Ian Scott