First of all, I have to say, that our self-image or personal perception plays a big role in influencing our lives. The way you view yourself, can either move you forward in life, or it can immobilize you completely – it’s that powerful!

You will either feel empowered or dis-empowered based solely on how you view yourself. The self-image is a major player when it comes to success in life. Today, I want to share with you information you may not have ever been aware of about yourself, and how a persons self image is developed.

So, lets take a trip back in time. Lets go right back to when we were very young children. Those were the days when we were inexperienced in life. We had no experience of the wider world and its functions. We had little experience in dealing with life’s situations. So we were really at the mercy of others!

We had authority figures who molded and shaped our little world. People like our parents, teachers, relatives etc. These all played key roles in our early development. And because these individuals were “older and wiser” than ourselves, we believed everything they told us. And why would’nt we? We did’nt have any knowledge or experience at the time, with which to compare or validate what we were being told – especially about ourselves!

And that really is the crux of todays topic – the things we were told about ourselves by others!

There is a proverb in the Bible which says: “The inexperienced one, puts faith in every word.” So there we have authority figures saying things to young children, which at the time could have been offensive, derogatory, sarcastic etc, and their young minds soaked up what they were told like a sponge! They accepted what they were told, because they believed that whatever they were told, must be right, because it came from someone who had more knowledge and experience than themselves.

So as young children, we were all at a disadvantage to begin with. We accepted as gospel anything we were told – and as I said, we especially accepted what we were told about ourselves.

For example: how many times must a child have heard the word “no”, more than “yes”? How many times must a child have been told they were “stupid” or “dumb”? What about as they were growing up, they had an idea to do something, and then put down with the standard: “You can’t do that!”.

If you were to survey people about their childhood experiences, in most cases, they were probably the most negative and traumatic of times; and the most frustrating of times, simply because we did not have the skills and experience to respond and deal with the situations effectively.

Some people reading this article, may have had a better childhood than others. But the information presented here, can help you to be aware of how others have been affected by their childhood experiences, can help you guard against negative input in your own offspring if you have children; and can help everyone understand how the self-image is developed. It will also make you aware, if you have a poor self-image, why the affects of the past, carry over into adulthood, and therefore influence your level of success in life.

How then, is the self-image developed?

As we mentioned earlier, the self-image is developed over time, from our earliest of experiences in life. It is created through the interactions we had with our parents, relatives, teachers etc. It has it’s foundation initially, based on what other people told us about ourselves, and the experiences we had.

To try and illustrate this, I want you to think of a time from your past. Did you have any experiences that caused fear, rejection, or any other experience that affects you today?

An example from my own life, might help you to better understand the point.

Many years ago, I went to the swimming baths with my Father. For a moment, he took is focus away from me, and I went under the water. That experience as stayed with me all my life, I hate being near water. To this day, I cannot swim – because of that event.

Now in peoples lives, there are numerous experiences that they’ve had, that create similar results for them.

You might be wondering, why do those incidents have such a powerful impact upon us?

If you did recall something from your past, as I mentioned, you may have noticed that you experienced the same emotions or feelings, as you re-lived the event in your mind. That’s because every memory and experience you have, is stored within your nervous system, and subconscious mind. And its the subconscious mind that is the Master when it comes to the self-image.

When you have read this entire article, I want you to go back to the exercise of recalling some events and experiences that you had in your life, and just notice how you feel when you recall them. You will have the same or similar feelings associated with the past event. I want you to have this experience, so that you can connect with what I am saying. I want you to prove to yourself that what I am saying is true and sound.

Now, lets get to why it is, that we have those feelings, and why they are so strong and influence us so deeply, when the event exists in the past.

It all goes back to our childhood again. The answer resides in the subconscious mind as I said, and specifically the brain development.

As we develop in childhood, so do our brain waves. There is a structure to them. At a very early age, our brain waves are at the Delta range of brain wave frequency. This is where deep sleep is – and that’s why babies spend most of their time sleeping. After the Delta range, there is Theta, then Alpha, and finally Beta. That’s the range we operate in during our waking hours.

Back in the early 1940s, there was much research done on brain activity and development. It was discovered, that the Alpha range, was the brain frequency that allowed an Hypnotist, for example, to reach the subconscious mind. This is the range in brain activity, where the mind is most open to suggestion!

It is knowing this specific information, that helps us to understand why past experiences and events, still have a powerful hold over people, even though the initial event was many years in the persons past. It is of particular interest too, that researchers have discovered that our most influential years, were between the ages of 7 – 14. Those were the times when we were most susceptible to the influence, and input from other people around us.

Does this mean, that our self-image is rigid, stuck or fixed, and cannot be changed? Thankfully, the answer is “no”. It is not fixed, and “yes,” it can be changed. In fact, if you listen to Season 1 Episode # 7, entitled: 9 Easy Steps to Boost Self-Esteem, you’ll be given a nine step process that will assist you to make any improvements you may think are necessary for you, or anyone else that you think might benefit from the information.

I have only skimmed the surface of the subject of success and the self-image in this article.

My purpose in this article, was to make people aware, in very simple terms, how the self-image is created, and what influences its development. Also, to make people aware of why past experiences still linger so strongly.

I hope that you have enjoyed this article, and that you’ll share it with others!

At some point in our lives, we have all experienced low self-esteem. For some, this could be to a lesser or greater degree. Whatever the case, the purpose of this article in the first instance, is to provide a nine point strategy for boosting self-esteem.

The information provided here should also make people more aware of the contributing factors and manifestations of low self-esteem. So, for those who experience low self-esteem, it will make them more aware of what can cause it. And for those who deal on a daily basis with sufferers of low esteem, it should make them more understanding.

For reasons of time and space, we are not going to go into great detail regarding the contributing factors and manifestations of low self-esteem. We shall merely state what some of them are. Our main objective here is to provide a simple, easy to apply, nine point strategy, which put into practice, will bring positive results.

Each person that experiences low self-esteem will have their own unique set of contributing factors. Some of which they may or may not be fully aware of. It’s like when a person cries sometimes and has’nt a clue as to why. It can sometimes be the same with low self-esteem. But one thing you can be sure of, there’s an historical basis for it. In other words, in a persons life, there are specific points of reference that are linked directly to your emotional state of low self-esteem.

In the following list of contributing factors, a person experiencing low esteem will readily be able to identify some of the factors as they relate to them personally. Other factors within the list may only exist on a subconscious level. This is what was meant when we referred earlier to points of reference.

There are ten major contributing factors. These are:

• Personal limitations
• Failure to meet the expectations of others
• Unfair comparison with others
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Belittling or insults from others which harm a persons dignity
• Unhappy childhood
• Negative input
• Depression
• Race
• Absence of love

Reviewing the list, a person may identify with one or more of those contributing factors. It could be that they discover others within the list that they were not previously aware of.

What about the manifestations of low self-esteem? One writer said:” Sometimes the person with a weak identity and low self-esteem, tries to develop a false front or facade with which to face the world”.

What are some specific manifestations of low self-esteem? These could include the following:

• The “tough guy”
• The “promiscuous socialite”
• The “outrageously clad punk rocker”
• Eating disorders
• The “class clown”
• The “eager to please personality”
• Negative self-talk
• Addictions (i.e. Drugs or Alcohol etc)
• Indecisive nature
• Lack of commitment
• Lack of self-confidence
• Shyness

Now that we have identified both contributing factors and manifestations of low self-esteem, let’s focus on a simple nine point strategy to boost self-esteem.

Step 1:Examine your strengths and underdeveloped areas of your character, talents, skills, knowledge and experience. This is a simple task you can perform with a piece of paper and a pen. Create two columns. Mark one column as strengths, the other underdeveloped areas. Use this to discover who you are, what you are, and what you know and can do. This particular exercise is a powerful discovery tool!

Step 2:Acknowledge the fact that you possess strengths, talents, skills, knowledge and experience. Most people go through life, without ever considering that they have accumulated particular skills and talents during their respective years of life. You are a “somebody” not some insignificant spec! Acknowledge yourself, and you’ll boost your esteem.

Step 3:Conscientiously work on any flaws that you discovered in your self-assessment. One by one, translate those “underdeveloped areas” into strengths where possible. Remember the Serenity Prayer: “God give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other”.

Step 4:Think of your virtues. Are you studious? Patient? Compassionate? Generous? Kind? Focus on the good virtues you possess.

Step 5:Set realistic goals. Don’t shoot for the stars, otherwise disappointment is sure to be the end result. Instead, any goals you set, accomplish them in increments. Small, simple cumulative steps that make your goals easier to reach. We climb a stairway one step at a time not in one big jump! Take the same approach in setting goals for any aspect of life! If we set goals at too high a level, then we are setting ourselves up for self-sabotage.

Step 6:Do good work. When we approach any task, we must realize that the end result is a reflection of ourselves, our attitude toward doing things.

So approaching a given task conscientiously, we will fulfill the task skillfully. This will contribute toward our feeling good about ourselves.

Step 7:Do things for others. Self respect is gained not by sitting back and letting others wait on you hand and foot. It is gained by becoming actively involved in doing things for other people. Volunteer your time and energies in a worthy cause without seeking a payback. Get involved in some form of community work or charitable cause. Anything that makes a contribution to the welfare of others, this sort of doing will boost a persons self-esteem.

Step 8:Choose your associations and friends carefully. A 17 year old girl once commented:”My relationship with myself is a very unhappy one. When I’m with people who have confidence in me, I do good work. With those who treat me as an accessory to a machine, I become stupid”.

People who are high-minded or insulting make people feel bad about themselves. It is important then, that we choose as friends those truly interested in our welfare.

Step 9:”Modesty is a virtue”. In our efforts to develop self-esteem, we must aim for a balanced view of ourselves. We want to avoid thinking too highly of ourselves. Some in their efforts to gain self-confidence tend to overshoot the mark. Many become egotistical and grossly exaggerate their skills and abilities. Some elevate themselves by putting others down. Avoid that trap!

The purpose of this article, was to help individuals obtain a healthy self-esteem and personal perception. As Dr Allan Fromme once said:” a person who has an adequate conception of himself is not sad but he does not have to be deliriously happy. He is not pessimistic, but his optimism is not unbridled. He realizes that he is not the outstanding success of all time, nor his he the perennial failure”.

In your efforts to boost self-esteem, be modest. Acknowledge your assets, but don’t ignore your faults. Work on them conscientiously.

Follow through on this plan step-by-step, and your self-esteem will soar.

Remember to honor the dignity and self-esteem of those you come into contact with through your daily routine.

If you follow through on these suggestions, you will come to know the truth of the statement once uttered:”self-esteem is the ingredient that gives dignity to human existence”.

© 2003 by Ian Scott